Thursday, 9 October 2014
Tuesday, 16 September 2014
Advice I've given to others that I really should take myself - Episode 1
I am an advice giver. If someone has a problem/question/struggle, I am the first to jump in with solutions/websites/books even if they didn't actually ask for it. It's not just me who does this right? I think it's probably really annoying but I just can't help myself. I like solving problems and feeling like I can be helpful. And I think often I am? (Oh god I hope so). And sometimes as I'm giving this advice I think to myself 'yes Grace, yes. This is great advice. You are very wise indeed.' But where I come a bit unstuck is that I hardly ever take my own advice. Or at least, what sounds so sage and straightforward when I'm lecturing someone else, isn't really like that when it comes to me actually doing it on a day to day basis. Essentially I'm a big fat hypocrite.
(Side note: It makes me wonder actually whether all those self-help authors live their preachings? We totally assume that they do right? That they wouldn't be allowed not to. It would be interesting to find out whether this is true or whether they have days where they're like 'Fuck it I'm going to lie in bed all day, eat only processed foods and watch crappy tv').
So anyway I thought I would write a series of posts about all the bits of advice I've given to other people but seem incapable of taking myself. My hope is that by writing them down here I will work out why I seem to struggle when it comes to taking my own advice and what I can do to change that. Alternatively I might just discover that the advice I've been giving is a load of bollocks and I need to learn to keep my mouth shut. We shall see.
Episode 1: Get on with it
My name is Grace and I am a procrastinator.
I procrastinated my way through university and pretty much haven't stopped since. I bloody love myself a bit of procrastination. Even as I write this I am thinking about procrastinating. (Writing this is hard. I can't find the words. I could just read ****'s blog for a bit to get inspiration or go on Pinterest for a bit). I find it really hard to get myself to do things that I find difficult. I build them up in my head, put them off, throw paddies, do everything else on my to do list and then finally, when I don't have quite enough time to get whatever it is done I panic and rush it and it's crap.
Why? Why do I subject myself to this torture? I wish I knew. And I have recently come to the realisation that in fact it's an even bigger problem than I thought, because it's not just work or chores I am putting off - it is my life. I am not doing the things I really want to be doing because they are too difficult/scary/real.
[Pause while I make a cup of tea, check my emails, look at Instagram... Where was I?]
But being the hypocrite I am, when talking to fellow procrastinators I have some really good advice, advice that can largely be summed up as 'get on with it'. Pretty straight forward really - if you want to do something, stop thinking about it/talking about it and just get on with it.
For example, if you want to be a filmmaker, start making films. You might not have the skills/equipment/time and it might turn out to be really crap, but it doesn't matter. Find a way of doing it and then at least you will have done something. Look at the amazing directors out there - they didn't sit around coming up with lots of (really good) excuses about why they couldn't make a film. They did it. They do it. They get on with it.
[Pause while I drink my tea, go on Amazon to look for books about procrastination, order Help! by Oliver Burkeman because it was recommended by a friend who used to work for Psychologies magazine so should know].
I think the 'get on with it' principle is really my attempt to take the emotion out of it - the over thinking, the fear of it not being good enough, or me not being good enough, of having no talent and everyone finding out once and for all. It's much safer in the not doing. The potential still exists - the fantasy is in tact. Also there's no hard work in the not doing. You don't have to deal with the struggle that goes into turning the fantasy a reality. That's the real test, and what if I'm not up to it? I'd rather not know. It's safer in the 'could be'.
But I don't want to live in the 'could be' anymore - I really do want to get on with it and do something. Doing nothing is getting old and getting me down. And actually maybe writing this blog post is the first step? Doing this was difficult. It's been on my to do list for a good few weeks and I kept putting it off. And yeah it's taken a bit of effort but actually it's not been that bad. And you know what? I am going to post it even if it isn't quite right. In fact it may be rubbish, but that's okay - at least it's done. It exists.
I'm not sure yet whether 'get on with it' is good advice or not... Maybe its actually harder than it sounds and I shouldn't beat myself up so much for not being able to do it. I think I'm going to try and test it out for a while, but on small(er) things - like this blog. If I can get with some smaller things maybe the bigger things won't seem so scary? I will let you know how it goes.
Monday, 6 January 2014
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